I will only admit to this here, in the relative anonymity of the interwebs. If any of my one followers who isn't me or my wife asks me about this, I will deny it. That said.... here's another story involving poop.
Last night B's mom and I were having a late dinner. B had already eaten while I was working out. The plan was to give B his bath, put him to bed, and then finish preparing brinner (explanation below). B's mom was in the kitchen cooking some turkey bacon and I was observing B playing in his tent. I popped my head in and asked him how he was doing. His giggles and the smell let me know that he was doing well, and by well I mean he was doing a number 2 in his diaper. He does this in his tent or under the table for a little privacy. I step away to let him finish, planning on changing Mr. Poopy Pants then plopping him in the tub. B's mom meanwhile shut off the water to the tub and I guess left the door open to the bathroom. I pop in the kitchen in the hopes of stealing some delicious bacon. B's mom asks where he is, I say in the living room. We both pause to notice how quiet he is. We then both decide to check. He's not in the living room. The Flash has left the building. I stick my head in the bathroom to find B sitting in the tub smiling as proud as he can be. He's in the tub in his shirt and diaper. Awesome. It's mommy's turn for bath time so I leave her to it. While leaving I comment, good luck with the diaper. She didn't hear that.
Quick note: B was out of our site for perhaps 30 seconds. Dude is fast. While I am terrified that he made it in the tub without us knowing it, sometimes these little reminders are what parents need to avoid making these same mistakes in the future. I can guarantee you we will not leave the bathroom door open like that again.
As I take on bacon patrol, B's mom starts to notice the water getting cloudy. I can only assume she thought, "Now that's odd." Apparently she was unaware of B's previous efforts to relieve himself and thus unaware of the load in his pants that were quickly ballooning to watermelon size. It's amazing how much liquid a diaper can absorb, yet still leak. There was a panicked "Oh My God!" coming from the bathroom when B was lifted out of the water followed by, "Get a towel, NOW!"
Being the gentleman I am, I got a towel and threw it in the bathroom. That's helping right? Then there was a request for something to wipe this up with. I suggested a washcloth. I was asked to get wipes. I got them, and watched B's mom skillfully clean up the mess. She did a good job. I burned the bacon while all this was going on.
B's mom then drained and cleaned out the tub. Ran another bath and cleaned up the kid.
I ate some bacon.
Husband of the Year.... my chances are declining. Especially after the amount of laughter at the whole situation.
Now you may be wondering where fail number 2 came into play... well that wasn't until a bit later.
I put B down. Brinner was consumed. Bed called. Off to bed the adults went. This morning when B's mom was looking on the night stand for the baby monitor, it wasn't there. Where was it? It was in the living room where we left it all night. That's right kids, we went to bed without the baby monitor and we slept GOOD! Surprisingly we could still hear B when he woke up, so it wasn't a big deal, but in nearly two years I think that was the fist time we didn't bring the monitor to bed when B was at home with us.
Brinner: Breakfast for Dinner
Is it odd that I can relate so many things to Scrubs?
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